so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
