kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
