her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
