"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
