I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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