i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
