Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
