Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
