eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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