After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
