one two three fourrrrnication!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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