I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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