3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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