ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
