when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
