Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
