There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
