he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
