plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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