so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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