How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
