i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
