kristin has been a bad kristin
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
