Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
