Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
