i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
