For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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