My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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