Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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