Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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