if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
