Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
