If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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