i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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