you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
