i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
