Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
