So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
