My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this hospital has no fireball
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
