She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
