i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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