I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize