I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
