worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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