come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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