it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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