K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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