yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
