I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
