Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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