the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
