you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
