i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
