I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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