i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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