She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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