I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
