The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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