it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize