New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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