I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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