I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
