I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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