white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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