I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
