wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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