Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
