I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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